was born to a Navy family in Honolulu in September of 1982. From ages three to six, he lived in Naples, Italy, where he wasn't allowed to visit his Dad at work because everything in the building was classified. He still doesn't know what went on there, but his Dad's best friend is an astronaut, so he just assumes they were killing people.

After Italy, his family moved to Chicago, Nashville, and finally Greenwood Lake, New York, the place Dave calls home. He went through the entirety of high school there, doing theater, making fun of people, and having panic attacks. On the day before he moved to Los Angeles, one of the spray-tanned mansplosions at his high school said, "I used to think you was a fag, Ross. But nah. You're f*ckin' cool." Thank the Gods.

He soon after began school at the University of Southern California, where he completely failed to decide anything at all. He switched majors three times in his four-year tenure at the school, eventually receiving a BA in Psychology and moving to Fresno to be a radio DJ. He busted his ass at 103.7 KRZR for two years, got his own show, and quit. You know, because he's an idiot. He was a case worker for a little while and now makes money by charging way too much for websites. It's a pretty sweet racket.

Any way, he's a comic now, and probably always should've been. Half of his childhood was spent watching his parents' Victor Borge VHS in the living room, thinking, "Hehe... TWO onions." He performs all around Los Angeles, and occasionally other places. He laughs a lot and probably likes you.